Mission Awesome: The Briefing
by DistrictKitten
Summary: 4 girls in their late teens find themselves in the clutches of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Their idols are not everything they seemed on the big screen, though some become much more than the girls could've ever imagined. Appearances from Brucie Banner, Tony Stark, Hawk the Stalker, Stoner Thor, Captain Cutie, Phil Son-of-Coul, Ol' Fury and everybody's favourite Woman in Black.
1. Welcome Aboard

I lifted my heavy head and yawned, feeling entirely as if I'd been asleep for days. The last thing I remembered was being in the forest: I was standing in a clearing with Suki, Amelia had carried on walking into the distance, and Grace had just been for a pee in the shrubbery and then... well, my mind just went blank.

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes trying to fathom my situation, the floor beneath my battered cheek felt cold, metallic and smooth, unlike the bed of a forest which was what I had expected. Even more confused, I sat up attempting to scope the place for clues. I noticed a long black barrel of a gun close in my view then stayed dead still, wondering how I'd managed to get myself into such a predicament this time. From the corner of my eye, seeing the size of the figure who was holding the gun; looming tall, wide and head-to-toe in black above me, startled me and I fell back; landing awkwardly on my wrist. I grabbled at my injury and tried to massage it off.

"How the hell did you-" the large, black guy spoke, only he didn't manage to finish.

"I don't know, sir. Please don't hurt us." It was Suki. I turned noticing now that my three friends were on the floor around me. Those lost memories hit me, coming in as a flood. The blue light... the cube... I had no idea what it all meant but it had to be linked.

"I know this looks bad but we were just traipsing through the forest minding our own business. It's quite obvious none of us know how we arrived here on your polished silver floor." Grace tried her best.

"There was this light," I turned from Grace to the Man. "Blue, blindingly bright... I... wasn't thinking I just, well... ran towards it." I could see my friends' heads bob in unison.

The man spoke in a whisper: "Tesseract." I couldn't place it but I'd heard that word before.

And then it clicked.

He looked different. Still bad-ass but a little less Samuel L. Jackson than before, and who I can only assume to be Maria Hill was brandishing a similar looking gun to his at his side. I had no explanation then, not in the way I do now but in short: we had met a fate with the tesseract, otherwise known as the Space Gem, and for reasons unknown, we'd been transported to an alternate reality.

It seemed to click in Suki's mind at the same pace: "You're Nick Fury." and with a nod towards his right-hand-side "and you're Agent Hill."

Fury raised his gun again. "Would you like to tell me who you are and why you have penetrated a secure S.H.I.E.L.D. aerovehicle?!" His voice had elevated from it's prior calm tone.

It was Grace who spoke this time: "We can help you. We have information." She was also seemingly up-to-speed.

"I've got a feeling that we're not from around here, but we know the Avengers. Their history, future. We know of Loki, how he thinks and what he is planning." I pleaded.

"You do not have the clearance for that. In fact, you don't have the clearance for anything." Fury boomed.

Hill spoke for the first time, with more composure than I'd expected. "Our files say that you are just 4 normal schoolgirls, from a rural town in England. Is that right?"

"Of course that's not fucking right, Maria. This is a Red security breach. We're clearly just missing the intel on this..."

Amelia cut into his speech, exasperatedly. "Yeah that's right. We're not here to cause trouble. We don't even know what's happened ourselves."

"Prove to me that you're not just trying to dig you and your pretty little friends out of a hole, girl."

Amelia began: "You've got Thor Odinson, Steve Rogers..."

I continued: "Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov..."

Then we spoke altogether: "...and Tony Stark."

"I'm not sure how I can believe this but there's one way to find out. We have the finest lie- detection facilities on this fair earth; might as well put them to use." We were grabbed roughly by our shoulders and led one-by-one into several lie detector chambers. After a few vigorous questions and me digging through slightly drunken memories of the last day at the fair, Fury was finally forced to believe us and granted us permission to stay on the Carrier. We were assigned our own rooms and ID cards claiming it too risky that we'd already seen too much.

A familiar-looking face walked into the chamber in which we were being momentarily held. In his hands were our ID passes tied with a grey S.H.I.E.L.D. insignia lanyard. He walked to each of us individually handing the others their passes and hesitating the extra moment to help me place mine around my neck and over my hair (which still wild from the spring-summer breeze). I uttered thanks', he nodded at Fury and left briskly. I checked the pass and noticed in unison with Fury's announcement that my room number was listed on the back. Two guards ushered us out of the holding room and towards a tubular lift, they left us there trusting us to continue with our journeys.

The others chatted quite feverishly in the lift while I stood in quiet awe, taking in my new experiences and the advanced technology that surrounded us. Without saying more than an 'I'll see you later' I left their company and sought out my room. Getting in was easy, one swipe, a beep and voila. I dropped onto my bed tired as fuck, and didn't quite take notice of the fact I was leaning on a control panel of some sort that was affixed to the bedside table. I plummeted into sleep, quickly and easily still fully dressed - New Rocks and all.


	2. Hawkeye, Personal Tour Guide

That was it. I could accept the fact that I wasn't good at fashion or geography or Legend of Zelda games but tech was one of my things. I'd literally only been awake for 5 minutes after my snooze in my new room and somehow locked the door; I was hopelessly stuck in a windowless, probably soundproofed, (extremely comfortable) hell-hole. I searched another minute for a door release but there was no prevail, giving up I turned to bashing on the wall hoping someone would hear.

My arms grew tired after a while but the sound of a suction seal being broken and the door reappearing as a hole in the wall came quicker than I'd expected. The same familiar face from before stood before me. Brandishing an unnervingly leathery bodysuit.

"Your uniform." Hawkeye - as far as I had recognised- gestured with his free hand.

"Thanks, Agent... Barton..."

"Oh, so you know my name. You can call me Clint in these..." He gestured in the space between us, "...circumstances."

"Clint." I repeated to myself, to commit the casual tone to memory.

"Fury needed someone to get you up to speed and I had a free timetable so, here I am. Good job I didn't leave it 'til later." He reached over and pointed at a particular button on a small control panel I'd barely noticed before. "That one opens the door, the one to the right locks it. Why don't I take you to the living area?"

I stepped carefully out of the room, this time taking no chances to allow myself to break the door again. Clint walked at a polite pace despite that I knew he was easily capable of more, and led me back to the tubular glass and steel elevator I'd travelled in on the way down. We zipped up to the 24th level and within a moment were already scanning our IDs into the lounge.

It was a spacious room holding large, modern-looking, velveteen sofas with oversized cushions and throws. The floor was littered with coloured beanbags, classic shag rugs, a coffee table and on the wall, mounted, a large TV whose aesthetic belonged in a Star Trek movie. Large "windows" lined the side wall and showed, at that moment, a panoramic view of a Californian beach; palm trees and all. Hawk advanced across the room and opened a door for me, ushering me into the kitchen-diner.

This room was just as cool: complete with checkerboard floor, coffee machine, slushie-maker, soda-dispenser, a few 1950s style booths, and a full stocked pantry of Eggos & syrup, Kraft Mac and Cheese, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Poptarts, Cheetos, Mountain Dew and all the Liquor you'd ever need. It was a sight to behold.

"What's ours is yours." Clint almost looked pleased with himself, having all that is holy at his fingertips I didn't wonder much why. "Since you guys'll be working closely beside us from now on you get access to the Avengers Lounge 24/7: just like us. Why don't you get yourself something? I'm guessing it's been a long day." He grinned at me, I'm sure it was like watching a kid in a candy store. My eyes ran along the 17 varieties of toaster pastries but it really had been a long day (maybe more than a day, who's counting?) and a bottle of Jack was staring straight out at me. I grabbed it by the neck and Clint let out a cheer, grabbing two glasses already filled with ice from a machine that only Stark would have bothered to engineer.  
>Clint set back off into the lounge area and threw himself onto the sofa. Telling the TV to turn on; it did of course. I wasn't too surprised by the crazy tech at this point.<p>

He told it to put some music channels on and then Clint turned to talk to me, his face grown serious.

"This must be weird, all of a sudden. You're so far from what you call home you can't even begin to get back... it must be horrible. I kind of feel that way sometimes, despite the life I've made for myself here." He offered to pour our drinks and we chinked rims, taking a thought-ridden swig soon after.

"I understand what you mean. I think your first home always has a special place in your heart but there are many places you visit along the way that also change who you are. I'm taking this as the next step in my fate - the next part of becoming who I am supposed to be." As I spoke I saw a flicker in his eye. At the back of my mind I questioned if I'd hit a nerve, he didn't seem like one to open up even just guessing from our short conversation here.

We left the topic be and drained our glasses.


	3. We Need The Doctor

_[2 hours previous] _I stood, back straight, as a good-looking bloke stepped around to me and my friends passing out our freshly printed ID cards. I was last in line and accordingly he spent an extra second to put my over my head for me. My hair was still windswept from the festival and I felt extravagantly underdressed against his leatherette style uniform. I noticed a bracer around his wrist and quickly realised who it was. My face bloomed into a smile, wondering if the others had also noticed it was in fact Agent Barton. "Thank you." "No problem."

_[present moment] _We sat and sipped at our whiskeys for a while, it was apparently film night - Fury's choice - but there was no DVD and no one else had shown. About half way to being drunk out of our skulls a hurried Agent broke into the room and ran over to us.

He spoke in a rushed drawl: "Fury asked me to put this in here, and... uh... Thor, poptarts, kill me if I'm more than 5 minutes. I, I... I need to go. Enjoy your film." He nodded at us and ran into the kitchen quickly taking his leave after bagging a box of what looked to be Blueberry poptarts.

Clint was already up at the TV set, concentrating quite seriously on getting the disk into the tray of the DVD player. I noticed the case on the coffee table. Hairspray, complete with a sticky note:

'ENJOY THE MOVIE. ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES, JUST SAD I CAN'T MAKE IT -NICK'

I snorted at the note, and we began to watch the movie.

"Hey, earlier when I was giving out the passes..." Clint started. "...what were you smiling to yourself about?" Well my, that's not an awkward question.

"Mainly just about being here and stuff." I am not good in awkward situations.

"And otherwise?"

"Honestly?" I asked, he nodded drunkenly to urge me on. "About meeting you, I guess."

"Really?" He had an air of surprise in his tone.

"Ah-ha." I was a little embarrassed now.

"Really." He repeated, reassuring himself. I noticed him shuffle a little closer and my heart leapt a little in anticipation of what might be yet to come.

"Ker-nock, ker-nock. Hope I'm not disturbing anything..." It was Amelia, one of my friends I had found myself here with. She strode in the room playfully covering her eyes as if to blind herself from any saucy goings-on. On the panels outside the room, as I now know, it lists who are in the room at the current moment; whether it said we were just inches away from each other on the sofa or not, that I don't know. She plonked on another one of the chairs and we moved apart. Clint got up and fetched her a glass and we played a drinking game.

We were dancing manically to the opening song and about every piece of music in-between, getting a bit crazy and lost in the moment. I barely noticed him leave but upon his return Clint had his bow and his quiver full of arrows on tow and was happily waving it all around as he danced. He seemed even more out of his head than usual.

I actually quite liked this part of the film, where she gets a detention for her hair being too big. It was relatable. She danced with the black kids and they were almost as smooth in their moves as us.

"Hey Clint, do it with me." He pulled his bow and before I knew it.

"TRAY-CY TURN-BLAD!" He shouted over the movie. I felt a shot of pain and looked to see that he had shot an arrow at my side. The blood had started threading out into my tshirt, the arrow having just clipped my hip. The pain wasn't unbearable but I was drunk and I'm not good in emergencies even when sober. I fell to the floor, doubling over. Clint laughing hysterically barely noticing what he'd done. Ame let out a scream, not drunk enough to stay chill. I could feel the numbness spreading and my t-shirt slick to my stomach with blood and increasing sweat.

"We need to get you to a doctor. Clint, where is Bruce?!" There was severe panic in her tone, her hand holding over the laceration. I don't know why, it would take me days to bleed out - that was the least of my worries. My head got lighter and lighter until I couldn't hold on. She dragged me along, leaning on her as heavy as bricks and tried to follow the directions Clint had given her.

I wavered in and out of consciousness as Ame carried me clumsily along. She was doing well considering that I was neither skinny nor easy to carry at the awkward angle she had to hold me to keep the pressure there. I heard deft footsteps running quickly towards us and not long after I was transferred from Amelia to a full-blown carry in arms seeming bigger, more capable.

"Need some help?" It was Steve, I think.

"Ah, yes... please, I mean." Ame stumbled in her sentence, she had a crush to say the least... There were more words exchanged but my attention wouldn't hold on them; I could feel the sticky mess around my stomach grow damper, pressure was replaced to my wound and we carried on faster than before.

Barely awake, I was moved onto to a table. Steve took his leave but another man was there in the lab with Dr. Banner.

"How drunk did this kid get him exactly?" It sounded like this other figure may've been Stark.

"They'd been on the JD for a while before even I had arrived, but I dunno, he went out the room for the while and he was worse when he came back." Amelia sounded disapproving, after all she had always been a tame drinker- being the designated driver and all.

Banner began to speak, "Well, the guy's gotta be back on the crack or something if he shoots an innocent gal through the hip and doesn't bat an eye."

"He's a fucking psychopath." My voiced trembled and strained; the first tear rolled down my cheek. As the adrenalized reaction wore away the most I could make was whisper. It was just loud enough to hear and a chuckle rose from Stark's throat.

"The girl's got spirit." Tony seemed to enjoy seeing women in almost catatonically drunken states. I opened my eyes, squinting through the pain and noticed Bruce throw Tony an incredulous look. "If you're thinking I'm dealing to him again: you're wrong."

"Sure." He didn't sound convinced. "Let's not concentrate on that right now eh." Bruce removed his gaze from Tony and continued preparing lab equipment.

Ame stayed beside me, clutching my hand even when the Doctor told her she could leave. I went completely under when they attached a mask around my mouth and didn't wake up again for what felt like a very long time.

_[a few hours later] _I woke up with a start, bolting upright and immediately regretting it. Feeling the stitches tug and pull at my raw skin. Ame was still there with my hand in hers, she'd been asleep next to me (drowsy from the whiskey I supposed) I looked around and soon noticed I was in a lab of some sort. Going off the amount of tech this wasn't an infirmary or normal medical lab. I saw Bruce Banner, leaning against a desktop looking thoughtfully at the floor. Steve Rogers may have had pecks bigger then my double-Ds, Stark had his sass and sex-appeal to kill, and Thor had the power of the gods and flowing locks to match, but there was something so politely attractive about Banner. Brainy was the new Sexy, I supposed. Studying physics was all I'd ever really wanted after all, and him being a genius in all manner of the things I loved, how could I not be drawn to him?

"I assure you the drugs will wear off after a while." A new figure entered the room. Stark. "I assume that's why you're looking at Banner like you're going to cuddle him into oblivion. In the meantime, if you continue to have these impulses you can always come to me for... therapy." He winked and continued through the lab with a packet of berries in his grip. "Blueberry?"

"Ah, no thanks." It was first time Bruce had spoken, in spite of the weird comments courtesy of Tony.

"Okay, I will give Miss Leonard some salves and pills later on, to keep the pain at bay and I guess you're all set to go for now. You might want to call later so I can redress the wound and check how the stitches are taking. Other than that you should heal pretty quickly, SHEILD's medical advancement to blame, I guess."

"Thank you." They'd saved my life after all.

"I was the one who was handy with the needle, if there's a consolation prize for all the life-saving I did." Tony laughed as he gestured as if he was sewing an embroidery hoop.

"Thanks. I'll buy you a drink sometime." I said sarcastically.

"I like this one." Tony nodded in my vague direction.

I scooted off the edge of the platform and stretched my legs out, it was true that I was drugged up. I felt more high than I had on all the beer and second hand bong fumes at the festival we'd been at the day previous. I tried to walk straight but my head span airily and Amelia had to grab my arm to steady me out. She helped me back to my room, almost puking on the way down in the elevator, she tucked me into the bed and I fell asleep quickly; exhausted despite the hours I'd been out.


	4. Banner's Orders

I was awoken by a growl in my stomach, it must've been a more than day since I'd last eaten. I felt positively starved despite the burger and cheesy fries I'd feasted on at the festival: and what can I say? I'm a good, old-fashioned girl who just loves her three meals a day.

I noticed the uniform waiting on the sideboard across the room, remembering who had left it there, I shuddered, but resolved to put it on anyway. The fabric was surprisingly comfortable in comparison to how it looked like it'd feel: my expectations being it as a leathery, sweaty second skin. The fabric felt cool, light and easy to move in, not to mention that it was styled to flatter. My hips that I usually take people out with at Comic Con looked more compact, smoking hot but just as lethal as usual. Head to toe in the granite-tone suit, I could see the patch where my dressings laid - uneven - but I looked just fine; I nodded to myself approvingly in the full-body mirror and took my leave to find grub.

I walked slowly trying not to agitate the stitches and went up to the lounge. I rifled through the pantry deciding on some gourmet-looking dark chocolate praline and creme-patisserie brioche to be my 2pm breakfast. I heard the door behind me as I pushed down the toaster, Rogers had come into the kitchen.

"Hi, you're one of the new recruits? The unlucky one? Agent Barton always did seem a little... odd to me. I dunno." He rambled, pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee.

I turned to face him properly, "T'was indeed I who felt the wrath of Hawkeye's bow."

"Joe?"

"Yes please." Steve pulled another mug from the cupboard, it was funny seeing SHIELD insignia household items in a real-life situation, and I was about 99% sure that Suki had an identical model at home. "Black-"

"-Two sugars?"

"Yeah, how d'you tell?"

"Just a guess... The uniform suits you." Talking of uniform, it was a strange sight of him in plain Levi's and a white fitted tee, kinda cute to see him suited down in all honesty. He slid the cup along the worktop and my brioche popped up out of the toaster. I grabbed the coffee and brought it to my mouth, realising, only then, how dehydrated I was.

"Thank you."

"No problem." Steve grabbed a stall from one of the booths and placed himself down. "How _is_ your wound?"

"Ah, it seems to be as good as it gets. Not too painful, and life goes on apparently."

"Banner is a good Doctor, he'll take care of you."

"On that subject, do you know where his lab is?"

"Sure, I could take you there now."

"Thanks." We set off out of the kitchen and through the lounge. It was a way down - on 14th floor but it was nice to know his lab was close to my floor.

"Thanks Steve, I'll see you around."

"My pleasure, hope you get well."

I knocked on the window of the lab and the door opened to me.

"I was just going to come and find you." His voice was sweet and calm.

"I was just wondering if you had prepared the painkillers or anything."

"I've got something here. Is it okay if I take a look to see how the stitches are holding up?" I nodded in consent and with his indication laid back on the bench I had been on previously. It was awkward having to unzip it down as far as my waist, wearing nothing but my bra underneath the bodysuit, but he stayed professional and undressed the wound, plastering it back over once he had made up his mind.

"I'm going to give you a shot just in case, the needle's not too bad if you can just relax your arm." I pulled down the shoulder piece of the suit and barely felt the scratch as the needle pierced my skin. "There. Here are the pills, I wrote the directions on the side of the bottle for you. I'm not really sure about a cream to put on the wound itself because it'll have to be redressed every time, you'll get sick of me by the end of it all."

"No I wouldn't. I mean, I'd rather get back to my best sooner rather than later, if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course not, it's actually kinda nice having someone new to brighten up the lab, even if it is in these circumstances."

"Thanks for that, is there anything else?"

"No, that should be it. Though if you've got any concerns don't be afraid to call. Even if it's night time."

"I'll come back tonight, for the salve?"

"Sure, see you."


	5. The Stoner King of Asgard

I began to make my way up to the lounge then decided to make an effort to find my friends. Amelia must've been hella tired after the ordeal and I wanted to thank her and I hadn't heard a word about the other two. I noticed an (_info)_ button on the lift's control panel and taking a leap of faith (and hoping it was like the TNG LCARS computer) I pushed the button firmly down.

"How can I help you, Agent Aspen?" A metallic voice boomed through the intercom. AI - shucks.

"Can you tell me where Agent Leonard, Agent McAfee and Agent Turner are please?"

"Agent Leonard. Floor 6, Room 11. Agent McAfee. Floor 24, Special Operations Lounge - Code 176Z - AA initiative. Agent Turner, Roof terrace 5b." The words rolled across a small screen ahead of me as the voice spoke.

"Thank you."

"This information has been imported onto your paging device."

"Paging devic-?"

*Beep beep* a noise came from in front of my chest. Looking down I saw a flash from my ID card, it was now a live screen. Before I had just assumed it was laminated card, it was obvious now that it was more. A personal touch-screen panel slung 'round my neck the whole time, who'd of thought?

I continued in the lift, I'd been headed for the Lounge anyway and it could be a good opportunity to catch-up with Suki.

I scanned into the lounge and was hit by the pungent stench of cannabis. It wasn't quite a hot box but the air was still smoky enough to agitate my eyes. Squinting, I managed to make out Suki's form on one of the beanbags and a muscled figure beside her.

"Suki?"

"Marie!" She sounded pleased to "see" me. I moved closer to where she was sitting and noticed immediately that it was Thor beside her.

"Thor?"

"Good evening, mortal. Would you like to join?"

"I don't think I need to, pretty smoky as it is - don't you think?" I fanned the smoke from my face but it was a wasted effort.

"Ahahahah. You're funny. Isn't she funny, Thor, baby?" Suki reached over and took his hand. Suki had always been partial to a bit of weed but I'd hardly expected it could effect Asgardians in the same way. The last thing I thought I'd see was my friend out of her head with her new stoner buddy, the future king of Asgard.

"Indeed, my fair child." Thor looked lovingly at her, I couldn't even take a guess at what the hell was going on.

"Okay, well... I'm going to get some food and go. Do either of you want something from the kitchen?" I thought I'd just leave the lovebirds to it, eh?

"Poptarts!" Thor giggled in excitement.

"Blueberry?" I asked.

"Yes! How did you know? Suki, you didn't tell me you were friends with a telepath!" Suke didn't reply, she just stared blankly at the ceiling. I collected some bottled water and vodka for myself and grabbed a shiny packet of Thor's favourite kryptonite before leaving the kitchen and delivering the goods.

"I'll be on my way then."

"No, no, Marie!" Suddenly Suke was back on planet earth. "If you want any of the stuff, honey, it's all hidden in the stationary supply cupboard around the corner. Yeah, baby?"

"That is true, mortal."

"So just take what you want, Stark will probably restock the place soon."

"You're a true friend." I uttered sarcastically.

I decided to give seeking out the others a miss. My stitches were pulling, I needed a rest and, honestly, felt a little high from all the second hand smoke. I kept a slow pace down the corridor but even then my dizziness grew; rising up like morning mist into my vision. I tripped and the bottle fell, smashing fragments all over the floor. My body followed soon after. Calamity fucking Jane: what is wrong with me that I can't stay uninjured for more than 3 hours? I tried to get up, pushing my body up using the little arm strength I had left. My grip on the floor went and my arm slid right over a fragment of glass, tearing my forearm open. Blood threaded out into the spilt liquid and my already fogged eyesight went fainter.

"Excuse me!" There were footsteps accompanied by a shout. "Are you oka- No... no you're not." They pulled my body up and away for the glass and held my wrist firmly. I heard a tear of fabric and a sudden tightness grow around my upper arm.

"Not too deep but better get you back to Banner. Can't leave you alone for a minute, eh?" I was hauled up into their arms and they propped my split arm up to keep it raised.


End file.
